Should I plan my own funeral?
Debbie Harris
Oct 2025 • 1 min read
Should I plan my own funeral?
I attended a funeral recently and when I was talking about it later that day with my adult children, I said that I thought the service had been thoughtfully planned and beautifully delivered – a real and heartfelt tribute to the lady who had passed away.
We then had what you might call a somewhat morbid and macabre discussion about what MY funeral might look like (much gallows humour ensued!)
I told them (and have always felt the same way about this) “I’ll be dead. I don’t mind what you do! Do whatever you want to do to honour my memory and say your goodbyes”. My only ‘stipulation’ was that everyone attending my funeral should wear something purple (my favourite colour).
In my mind – funerals are ‘about’ the deceased; but ‘for’ the bereaved – so I’ve always felt that planning the funeral and deciding how to honour the memory of the deceased should be the remit of those left behind.
My opinion has always been that “if life is a book, the epilogue should be written by our loved ones”.
To my great surprise, both of my children were very clear that they would want me to have left them instructions! (My son in fact went so far as to suggest that it would be best if I could plan the entire thing … so that they [in their grief] would not have to think about it at all).
This was a real eye-opener!
So I now have another task on my ‘life admin’ to do list – is it on yours too? Apparently your loved ones will thank you for it!
There are lots of firms who offer funeral planning as a service (for a hefty fee), but I suspect something rather more home-grown might feel more authentic. It might be as simple as selecting a few songs; suggesting a venue; providing a list of possible ‘eulogy deliverers’. It could be a detailed ‘order of service’ to be followed. Whatever you decide to do (if anything), be sure to tell your loved ones that a plan exists and where it can be found.
I encourage you to ‘have the difficult conversation’ with your family about this. They might surprise you!










