Remembering Childhood

Remembering childhood

Last night I went with friends to the National Trust site of Box Hill, in Surrey, to see an open air showing of “Finding Neverland”. Its a story of how “Peter Pan” came to be written by JM Barrie. The accuracy of the story is subject to the usual artistic licenses and too much attention to detail may rather miss the point of the story.

In essence, this is a tale of recapturing childhood. Barrie, (played by Johnny Depp) was struggling to write a commercially successful play and happens upon the Llewelyn-Davies family, who become the inspiration for the story. The story itself (in the film rather than reality) is born out of struggle – Barrie’s own marriage is far from happy, the Llewelyn-Davies family have suffered the loss of a father and Barrie himself needed a successful play for his theatrical producer Charles Frohman.

Barrie is inspired by the imagination of the Llewelyn-Davies boys and becomes a significant figure in their lives. In meeting with them, he is both a willing participant and ring-leader in their play, recalling something of his own childhood and confronting the reality of what has been lost in the transition to adulthood, in so doing, his behaviour is frowned upon by the socialites of the day, including his wife who eventually divorces him for a man more present.

Childhood is precious and brief, but so too is life – coming to terms with loss and grief is experienced differently by all, yet all undergo this very adult experience. This is poignantly reflected in the movie with the mother, Sylvia, played by Kate Winslet, who also dies fairly suddenly from cancer and whose friendship with Barrie has been something of a talking point much to the chagrin of Mary Barrie and Emma du Maurier.

Worse than fiction?

Despite being a moving tale of loss, where the only relief seems to be found in friendship and escape into imagination, the real story is even more painful. It transpires that lives of the four brothers all met with significant sadness.

In reality the boys’ father barrister Arthur Llewelyn-Davies died in 1907, age 44, some three years after the play was first performed. JM Barrie divorced his wife in 1909. Sylvia died in 1910 aged 43. Barrie didn’t publish Peter Pan as a book until 1911 having made numerous revisions of the play.

The second eldest Jack, actually left home shortly before his mother died in 1910 to join the Navy. George, the eldest, was killed in Flanders in 1915 at the age of 21, the second youngest Michael aged 20 drowned in suspicious circumstances (thought to be suicide) in 1921.

Peter grew up apparently very unhappy about the constant references of him with Peter Pan, eventually falling out with Barrie over a relationship that Peter had with illustrator Vera Willoughby whilst Peter was 20 and still serving in the military, the argument is presumed to have been that  Vera was 20 years older and married.  Peter went on to form his own publishing company, which the film suggests as a nod to the influence of Barrie and his late mother, his company published work by his cousin Daphne du Maurier. When Barrie died age 77 in 1937, his estate passed largely to his secretary, the royalties of Peter Pan were gifted to Great Ormond Street.

Jack died when he was 65 in 1959, Peter committed suicide just 7 months later, age 63. It was discovered that he had been working on a piece about his family entitled “Morgue” and had reached the point where he was confronted by the prospect that his youngest brother may have committed suicide. Peter was married with three children. The youngest brother, Nicholas died in 1980 and doesn’t feature in the film as this would have revealed the problematic chronology within the movie, havng been born in 1903.

And the financial planning lesson?

For some of us childhood was an experience lacking responsibility. At times, when life can feel overwhelming it is tempting to recall such childhood freedoms. The path to adulthood is rarely an instant marvel, and in reality childhood contains all sorts of trauma and experience. Growing up can be hard, taking responsibility can be difficult.

Enjoy life whilst you have it, treasure your friendships and loved ones, don’t count on inheritances and ensure that your family (and/or friends) are adequately financially protected…. and remember that stories aren’t always factually accurate….even our own. Finally, your financial planning really shouldn’t be based on fiction, but it should contain a considerable amount of imagination.

Dominic Thomas
Solomons IFA

You can read more articles about Pensions, Wealth Management, Retirement, Investments, Financial Planning and Estate Planning on my blog which gets updated every week. If you would like to talk to me about your personal wealth planning and how we can make you stay wealthier for longer then please get in touch by calling 08000 736 273 or email [email protected]

Remembering Childhood2025-01-23T10:56:51+00:00

Q-Tips – Write on Kew

Q-Tips, Write on Kew

There’s a new literary festival in town… well in West London, Kew to be precise. It looks set to be a good event towards the end of the month (24-28 September). There’s a jam-packed schedule with lots of well-known authors in attendance… including Richard E Grant, Rufus Norris, Sandi Toksvig, Andrew Marr, Raymond Blanc, Peter Snow, Max Hastings, Vince Cable, Ella Woodward, Tracy Chevalier and Mel Giedroyc…. to name just a few. There are over 80 events.

So for those of you in or near West London, perhaps consider a visit. Tickets and further information can be found by clicking here.

 

Dominic Thomas
Solomons IFA

You can read more articles about Pensions, Wealth Management, Retirement, Investments, Financial Planning and Estate Planning on my blog which gets updated every week. If you would like to talk to me about your personal wealth planning and how we can make you stay wealthier for longer then please get in touch by calling 08000 736 273 or email [email protected]

Q-Tips – Write on Kew2023-12-01T12:19:57+00:00

Honesty Report

Honesty Report

I was listening to the radio on Wednesday morning and a story that caught my attention was about a report published by Noddle, the credit rating agency. In essence their report is perhaps best described as an honesty report.

The research reveals something that anecdotally, most of us probably know already. The data, when extrapolated suggests that something approaching 1.9million couples keep financial information secret from one another. The suggestion being that this isn’t simply a case of not fully admitting how much was actually spent at the shops, or how much those birthday gifts really cost, but a rather more concerning inability or unwillingness to reveal the degree of personal debt.

The report found that 44% of married couples do not know how much their spouse earned. Relate therapist Arabella Russell and MD of Noddle Jacqueline Dewey briefly discussed some of the issues about couples struggling with honesty about money on the Radio 4 Today programme with Justin Webb. The BBC remove programming after a while, but the link is here.

Over the years I have observed many different approaches that couples take to the subject of money, all have their presumptions and “baggage” and I try to gently discover attitudes towards money, it is, as Arabella Russell outlines, so much more than simply an accounting system, how we think and talk about money connects deeply with how we think of and value ourselves (and others).

Common language

It isn’t quite the case that talking more honestly about money would save marriages, how couples communicate is more complex and frankly the territory of therapists not financial planners. However, it is clear (and obvious) that money is a one of the most significant “stress points” in any relationship. Relate’s own report “The Way We Are Now” found that 61% of adults with children, found that money worries was the greatest strain on their relationship, for those without children the figure reduced to 47%. That said, the report does provide some good news – 87% of people in couples are happy with their relationship.

Speaking Safely

When I meet with couples, it is important that both people are able to express themselves in relation to money and their hopes and fears about the future. I am often told at the end of our meeting that the experience wasn’t what had been expected… despite the website and this blog, most new prospects seem to assume that this is all “marketing” and that in fact I will “revert to type” and just talk about numbers, products and bore them to tears. For many, simply sitting down together with an impartial third (me) who asks pertinent questions about their past, present and future is a rarity. It’s different for each, but it is certainly clear that it is a welcome experience and the opportunity to get some clarity of how things really are.

Of course such a discussion needs to be conducted thoughtfully and sensitively. It isn’t therapy and it isn’t confession, to my mind its a safe space, to clarify… the issues that are raised may or may not be then requiring either therapy or confession, that is naturally dependent completely upon the couple and the information revealed. Of course this is not limited to couples, I would argue that anyone should benefit from “speaking out” what they think, feel and have experienced about money. To my mind self-awareness is vital for any financial planner operating in this way, ensuring that the discussion is about the couple or individual concerned, not their own projections.

Why is it important?

Saving relationships is simply not the domain of a financial planner, however anything that helps improve the lives of our clients – understanding their own truths and being able to reflect back the reality of things is invaluable. We all know that life can be messy, some relationships end, some very painfully, some can be improved… but we can all probably improve how we listen to one another. I have no doubt that having clarity about money (financial planning) will reduce financial stress for everyone, the real question is can you make the time to listen and be heard?

If you or someone you know are seeking therapy or couples counselling, I suggest visiting the websites of the BACP and Relate for couples.

Dominic Thomas
Solomons IFA

You can read more articles about Pensions, Wealth Management, Retirement, Investments, Financial Planning and Estate Planning on my blog which gets updated every week. If you would like to talk to me about your personal wealth planning and how we can make you stay wealthier for longer then please get in touch by calling 08000 736 273 or email [email protected]

Honesty Report2023-12-01T12:19:58+00:00

New Term, New Start

New Term, New Start?

So its September. A new term is about to start (it has already in Scotland). As someone with children much of my life has been demarked by the term timetable, this year its a little different… my eldest daughter begins her career as a teacher…. wow, where did the time go?

Time Flies

I’m reminded of a new play “Everyman” which I was lucky enough to catch it at the weekend – in fact the penultimate performance. The ensemble cast is headed by Chiwetel Ejiofor in the title role (you may have seen him in “Twelve Years A Slave” for which he was short-listed for an Oscar). The play confronts the familiar big existential questions in a contemporary and provocative way. Everyman’s journey is brief, confronting his values and their eternal significance. At his 40th birthday party he is forced to confront the question – Where did the time go?

There are some memorable scenes – with friends, family, discarded refuse (his and ours) and the checkout of consumer validation – the shopping store. The 2009 Poet Laureate Carol Ann Duffy pieces together some innovative rhyme, providing a 2015 upgrade to an otherwise familiar tale…. of God, the Devil and everyman…. and reposes the riddled question “have you lived a good life?”.

The stage is itself an almost ghostly reminder of morality plays of old, (stage with pit). Sadly the play is also out of time at the National Theatre, but those that saw it will be haunted by Death’s final call… eeny, meeny, miney.. mo… and the thought that invariably we only confront the value of life in death.

A plan that reflects your values

Whatever your thoughts about the meaning of life, a life well lived will mean different things to each. In an age of 24 hour “news” and the appearance of a shrinking world, we are regularly confronted with the hardship that others endure or suffer, whether on our doorstep or someone else’s. Invariably I find myself wrestling with the guilt of advantages that I have compared to many.

We live in an imperfect world and I have yet to write anything other than an imperfect financial plan. However I firmly believe that the effort made to ensure that your financial plan is based upon your values is more than “a nice thing” to my mind it is of significant importance – helping us come to terms with both our luck and our lack.

So may this term, or new academic year be time well spent…. and full of good performances! (let me know of those you enjoy).

Dominic Thomas
Solomons IFA

You can read more articles about Pensions, Wealth Management, Retirement, Investments, Financial Planning and Estate Planning on my blog which gets updated every week. If you would like to talk to me about your personal wealth planning and how we can make you stay wealthier for longer then please get in touch by calling 08000 736 273 or email [email protected]

New Term, New Start2023-12-01T12:20:00+00:00

Charlie Hebdo & Uncomfortable Freedoms

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Charlie Hebdo & Uncomfortable Freedoms

As I listened to the news of the murders at Charlie Hebdo I cried. Battling with writers block at the time I was forced to confront the very free and ephemeral nature of my struggle and that my fear was solely for my own lack of productivity rather than persecution for the outcome of my labour. Anyone who puts their creativity ‘out there’ from blogging to fine art runs the risk of ridicule or dislike alongside the possibility of appreciation. Tracey Emins 1998 ‘My bed’ seems to evoke particular vitriol. Perhaps the gamut of responses is to be more expected in the world of social media where anonymity can afford  for speedy and unconstricted ideas to find a mass audience in seconds, but to once again know that people had in the 21st century lost their lives for expressing themselves, their politics, art and ideas was a confronting reality. As a therapist who writes it was particularly poignant to hear that one of those who lost their life was the psychoanalyst and columnist Elsa Cayat. banksy_-_je_suis_charlie

As someone with strong connections to North Africa I am aware of the polarisation that is often underlined in moments like this, and the inevitable backlash against Islam from those who fail to see the actions of extremists as distinct and non-representative. We can only hope that the long-term legacy of this tragedy can be a reassertion of freedom not reductionist constraint.

In extremis and trauma the casualty is always the capacity to think, to play and explore. The brittle and defensive often compels us to more primitive ways of being; survival, fight, flight, or freeze. In the words of Malala Yousafzai to the UN General Assembly in 2013 “We realise the importance of light when we see darkness. We realise the importance of our voice when we are silenced”. Her response to a regime that sought to exterminate her both as individual and symbol tells us that it is precisely in these moments of oppression and terror that we need freedom of speech, art and creativity, something of ambiguity that leaves us with questions and a sense of not knowing. This is the opposite of traumatic shock. In our transaction with art and literature we are free to choose to look and engage or look away. Around the world there are those losing their lives for that which many of us take for granted. I hope that we can honour their courage by fighting to maintain the place for equality of expression and difference in the written, spoken and visual, even if it makes us uncomfortable.

Sarah Benamer

Charlie Hebdo & Uncomfortable Freedoms2023-12-01T12:39:50+00:00

Money and Power

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Money and Power

Perhaps my age is showing, but it is only day 6 of the new year and I am already fed up with the election campaign. I ought to be celebrating our democracy and the opportunity to hear reasoned arguments, however inevitably we seem stuck in a cycle of who will tax or cut most, the prospect of genuine change and improvement for all seems rather unlikely with the inevitable tension around money and power. Here Lies Love NT

In a more reflective moment, I remind myself that this is not a dictatorship and we at least get to vote and I don’t really think we are at the mercy of a despot who has anger issues and a twitching finger poised over an end-all button. This isn’t the case for millions of “voters” around the world who are marched off to vote for egomaniacs. This in mind, a relatively new musical to arrive via New York at the National Theatre “Here Lies Love” is based on a 2010 concept album of the same name, which gives musicals a nightclub injection. If you think that a nightclub is exclusively for the “young” perhaps think agains as, the creators Fatboy Slim (Norman Cook) is 51 and David Byrne is 62. The production has the flavour of community theatre, with the execution of high-end night club. A moving stage and audience, all combine to great effect and an entertaining, immersive experience.

Imelda Marcos

This is the story of Imelda Marcos, her rise and fall from power. Byrne and Cook wanted to explore what makes powerful people behave the way they do. I’m not so sure that this was explored terribly well, whilst displaying a delusional, drugged up Imelda, she isn’t portrayed that badly – a little bit too vanilla in Manilla – little about her excessive flamboyancy and penchant for hundreds of shoes. The story is chronological, revealing the fragility of her marriage, her inability to cope with her rags to riches story and a familar narcissism of Heads of State that seem to believe that they “give their all to their people”.

The Price of Democracy

There was little in the musical that gave me reason to believe such behaviour was understood or how to spot it in others and take precautionary action…so no tips for our elections. The world seems to have done little during the period of martial law and  assassination of the opposition including the shooting of Benigno Aquino on the steps of his ill-advised return flight to Manilla on 21 August 1983 (age 50) which you may remember. In the Philippines, the Marcos regime was eventually cast out by a peaceful protest, following a corrupt election (February 1986) against Aquino’s widow following which the public simply decided enough was enough. Marcos and his family took US advice and support then fled to Hawaii along with 24 suitcases of gold bullion and jewellery. Sadly for Imelda this took precedent over her 2,700 pairs of shoes. It is estimated that Marcos stole over $10billion from the country, much was invested into various family related businesses and Swiss accounts. The Swiss have so far returned about $684 million. So for me, this musical, whilst being entertaining does little to understand how and why power corrupts so absolutely. Indeed one might argue that the catchy tunes, flashing lights distract from the real story… but then, perhaps that’s the point.

Dominic Thomas

Money and Power2023-12-01T12:39:50+00:00

Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

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Wrong Place at the Wrong Time

A timely new (2010) musical “Scottsboro Boys” has returned to London, currently playing at The Garrick off Leicester Square. It is the story of 9 black men… well youths really, aged 13-19. Who were in the wrong place (Alabama) at the wrong time (25 March 1931). You may know the story, which is also reminiscent of the Harper Lee novel “To Kill a Mocking Bird”.  I didn’t know this particular story, but sadly it is all too familiar… a lynching and swift carriage of gross injustice. It is a depressing tale about stupidity, bigotry and racism in a world that one would hope was consigned to history, but is clearly alive and fuelled by the same misplaced and misinformed fears.

As you might imagine, its a provocative piece, which has some interesting ideas. TScottsboro Boyshe juxtaposition of black men playing white men (and women) in a parody of Minstrel Shows, further revealing how misguided and disrespectful such things were/are and culminating in a particularly disturbing “blacked up” segment. The creators draw on ideas from Cabaret and Chicago, using song and dance harmonies to hide but reveal the discord. A criticism I would have is that the show isn’t very energetic, rather “sedate” but then perhaps this is quite deliberate, given the restrictions of prison and a hot box… and the final scene of powerful protest.

The Truth Will Set You Free

This is not a hopeful story, in fact it wasn’t until 2013 that the Governor of Alabama, Robert Bentley signed the Scottsboro Boys Act, which exonerated all nine of them. Today America, the “land of the free” is still a tinderbox with unresolved racial issues and it is little wonder that so many are concerned about what seems to be systemic racism, where it would still appear that white lives are worth more than black lives. Whilst it is now nearly 84 years since the original incident, I am left to reflect on a phrase that I use daily – tempus fugit. Time flies… well, whilst it certainly seems to, I guess in practice, it will be a matter of perspective. Whilst I enjoy freedom, without too much genuine concern that it could be curtailed, for those that live with daily prejudice and injustice, I doubt that time moves quickly at all… and if the current state of global politics is anything to measure, it would seem that attitudes certainly do not change quickly. A lifetime of injustice must make time “feel” rather different. A museum, which often acts like a time travelling device, is a reminder of the past, to their credit Alabama have opened a museum to this history. The hope that I take from this is that it takes a brave community to be honest about its past…as it does for us all. Truth is something that I uphold as a virtue and something I bring to my work with clients, but perhaps the greater truth is that truth sometimes takes a very long time to be exposed, sometimes too long is far too late and may not, in fact set you free.

Scottsboro Boys runs until 21 February 2015 at The Garrick, London.

Dominic Thomas

Wrong Place at the Wrong Time2023-12-01T12:39:49+00:00
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